We Both Lost

“It’s too hard here, “ she said while we paused momentarily from our morning walk. “It’s too hard here and I‘m moving to North Dakota to be with family,” she informed me and quickly changed the subject and asked how we were adjusting to the area.

 

The Princess and I met Marsha over the summer when we first moved to our new home. We thought that a water aerobics’ class would be just the thing for two, out-of-shape seniors and would give us the opportunity to introduce ourselves to some new people. So, we reluctantly squeezed into our undersized swimsuits and headed out to our community pool to meet some new folks.

 

And meet new folks we did. But whoever said water aerobics was easy on the body and good for what ails you never injured their sartorius muscle on their hip and walked around with a limp for two months!

 

Yep, I knew the moment I injured it. Lucky me. I take a water class for gentle exercise and injure myself.

 

Oh well…

 

But I digress.

 

Marsha was one of the lovely individuals that I met in the pool this summer, and I knew from the day I met her that she and I could be good friends over time. So, when I hurt my hip and had to stop class, I felt badly that I wouldn’t be able to develop a friendship with her. I had always hoped that I would run into her in our little community and was altogether delighted when we happened upon each other during a recent morning walk.

 

“Gosh,” I thought when spotting her walking on the other side of the street. “This is totally cool. I’ll get a chance to tell her why I stopped coming to class and maybe she and I can set up a time to have tea and chat.”

 

And then she told me that she was leaving town for two months and that when she came back, she was going to put her house on the market and was moving to North Dakota to be with family.

 

“It’s been hard living here by myself for the past few years. I lost my husband and in-laws all within a short period of time, and it’s just been hard on me living alone.”

 

Totally bummed out about her impending move and unaware that her husband had passed, I said, “ Oh my gosh, Marsha. I didn’t know your husband had died. When we chatted in the pool this summer, I assumed the activities that you were talking about with your husband were recent, and that he was still alive. I am so sorry.”

 

What she shared with me next, struck me as so forsaken. She informed me that, “Nobody wants to hear your sob story. I don’t want to be a downer in people’s life, so I just didn’t say anything to you.”

 

Hm…..

 

I still can’t get what she said out of my heart. Here’s this lovely, caring individual walking by my home for the past 4 months thinking of dropping by to say, “Hi”, but not doing so because she didn’t want to appear too pushy or forward; or better yet a downer if she shared a sad part of her life.

All I could say was that, “I wished she had dropped in. That she might have been treated to some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. “

 

And then I asked her, “What’s the worst that could have happened if you knocked on my door? That I said that I had an appointment and couldn’t visit just then?”

 

“Big deal,” I continued. “We could have set up another time to chat and it would have been great.”

 

But she was afraid of rejection I’m sure and looking foolish maybe. I don’t know for sure.

 

I see so many missed opportunities for people to connect and share their lives, but too many individuals are afraid to take that step and put themselves out there because they’re afraid of rejection; afraid of being turned down.

 

“Your losses are a part of your life, Marsha; a part of you,” I continued. “It’s not a sob story to me, but a part of your life that would be important for me to know if it’s an important part of what makes you, you.”

 

“Gosh, I’m so sorry that you didn’t stop by; so sorry that you didn’t drop in, “ I told her and gave her my business card with my email and phone number.

 

“PLEASE, “ I asked of her. ”Do consider calling me. Please think about having tea with me before you leave.”

 

And she graciously smiled and we parted and went on our way.

 

I don’t know who I felt sorrier for that day – me for losing what I saw as a future good friend – or she for losing an opportunity of a solid friendship?

 

Guess it was a tie.

 

We both lost.

 

May the holiday season be filled with good food, much laughter and the company of loving family and friends! And I’ll catch ya the next time, looking at life from my shoes.

 

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Lucie

I'm a retired special ed teacher, born in upstate NY, who spent most of my adult life in the SF/Bay Area and moved to the Olympic Peninsula of WA in June of 2017. At the encouragement of family and friends, who followed my silliness on my FB page, I started this blog a few years ago. I try to keep my topics as humorous as possible (because I believe "LIFE" is pretty serious these days), but will, on occasion write about more solemn subjects. I sincerely appreciate all who take the time and effort to read and make comments and am truly humbled when people actually "like" what I write. I do not participate in the "Wordpress awards" because I feel "awarded" when individuals actually read me and comment, but sincerely appreciate all of you who have considered me "award worthy" and thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hugs, Lucie

22 thoughts on “We Both Lost”

  2. Awwww!!! Lucie, that was a very heartfelt story. Why is it that when we need friendship and support as we go thru tough times, we keep it all in our heart and become heart broken. Naturally we don’t wish to burden anyone else with this. Opportunities to forge great friendships come from opening our heart to someone. You would be that someone to talk to, you would mend anyone’s broken heart and soul Lucie, cos’ you are a genuine budiful, special, caring person.
    Hope Marsha seeks your friendship Lucie
    Luv ya mate, from way across the other side of the world, biggest hugs from
    Annie in Australia 🌴🌞🌊❤❤❤

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  4. It is sad to think about what we miss when we don’t make an effort. I find it hard to keep up with my current friends as well as make new ones. My book club works well on both accounts as we catch up with each other’s lives as well as welcome new members/friends.

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    1. It is sad and unfortunately, also very hard to maintain quality relationships with people these days….our busy lives pull us in directions at speeds that, at times, kind of overwhelm me. Relationships are SOOO very important to me, but take so much of my limited energy. Thank you for the read and comment….know that you and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, Lori, and I send all of you much strength and courage ❤ Lucie

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  6. Sometimes it takes time before the connection becomes real. Sadly, not all people, maybe most people, are uncomfortable when the conversation becomes too personal. My best friends are the ones who know that they can share their worst and best with me.. and we can even laugh about what we have shared. Too bad that time has not allowed that with this person. Keep reaching out to her. Just because now is not the time does not mean that there will never be a time that she can share with you.

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    1. Yes, I guess so…just felt kind of bad that she didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me that her husband had died. To me it’s not being a “downer with me”, as much as it is simply stating “what is”…..does that make sense???? Any way, she’s a lovely person and I sincerely wish her the best as she starts a new life near her family….Hugs, Lucie

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  7. oh, wow. missed opportunity. it is what young children go through all the time, that fear of rejection and it carries over into adulthood for some. the fear of rejection only grows for them and the anticipated pain is worse than being alone. a sad loss on many levels and sharing one’s sadness can be a bridge between people, not something that pushes them apart. we are all human, with the easy and the hard parts of life. i suspect she was raised to believe, that one keeps one’s problems to oneself. i hope she does keep in touch.

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    1. I sometimes wonder, Beth, if our future generation will have even a harder time of “connecting and socializing”? I understand parents these days trying to keep their children safe (it’s a hard job for sure), but I worry that while they’re teaching them to stay away from people and “stranger danger” that we’re not also making them afraid to reach out???? Add to that the technology that they spend hours on and not one to one socializing and I have some more concerns…”People truly do need people”……Thx for stopping by and commenting. Hope your Thanksgiving was filled with good food and grandies! ❤ Lucie

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