Lucie attends Miss Betsy’s Second (and last) Yoga Class!

All righty, People!

I attended my second session of Miss Betsy’s Gentle Yoga Class for Seniors this morning and Miss B. tells us that we need to put our right foot up behind our back, twist our body around to the left while gently flexing our muscles and put our hands in front of us in a prayer formation, pointing upward to the ceiling while simultaneously reminding us to take a deep cleansing breath as we gently push the air from our lungs and to remember:

“We are one with our bodies and the universe. And the floor (that my half inch mat is on) is Mother Earth.”

“Just listen to the music,” she gently continues, “and become one with your Earth Mother.”

Un hun,” I’m saying under my breath while  trying to gently untangle my size 9 foot from my butt,

Mother’sfeeling a tad hard on my delicate, ample-sized hinny right now, and my half inch yogi pad is as useless as tits on a bull.”

But I’m game. Let me go with this.

 As I’m looking around the room at everyone attentively and lithely executing this “pretzel position,” I’m thinking,

“Oh Sweet Jesus! I don’t know if Mother Earth and I are going be bonding today, but I could be wrong.”

I think Miss Betsy’s been partaking a little too much of the ole’ Maui-wowie before class, but what do I know? She’s certainly quite supple in her ability to bend her body in all sorts of positions and she doesn’t seem overly concerned with the fact that I’m knotted up into a human pretzel!

I attentively continue listening to Miss Betsy and am really trying to breathe deeply, but every time I went to breathe in, I started coughing uncontrollably from my neighbor’s overwhelming perfume fragrance; when Miss Eau-DE-Lovely herself casually looks over at me and innocently says,

“Dear, that cough of yours doesn’t sound too good. Are you feeling o.k.?”

Now I’m thinking that I’m in another one of those “lose/lose scenarios” that I seem to be in a lot lately, where I can’t be totally honest with this woman, although I’d love to educate her on the fine art of taking a morning shower with simple soap and water (minus the floral arrangement!), but I don’t want to offend one of Miss Betsy’s regulars, don’t cha know; so I look at her (with teary eyes and all) and say (in between bouts of uncontrollable coughing!),

“I must be having an allergic reaction to someone’s perfume that they’re wearing. I’m a light weight with most perfumes and scents.”

Without missing a “yogi beat”, she adroitly goes into Miss Betsy’s “prayer formation stance”, impassively looks over at me and unwittingly says,

“I know! Isn’t it terrible how thoughtless people can be when they come to exercise class?”

“Yep,” I’m thinking to myself, “Me thinks Miss Betsy’s Yoga Class for Seniors, session two, is now over and is more than likely my LAST session!”

I had to leave before “cooling down,” so I could continue to breathe, and now here I sit, inappropriately cooling down; muscles in spasms, a throbbing head-ache and not exactly sure whether my dog’s still walkin’ or standin’ in an upward position?

(But frankly, I don’t care!)

Yes siree Bob! I’m thinkin’ I’d best be working on a another way to get rid of my Buddha belly, ‘cuz I could be wrong, but I don’t think Miss Betsy’s Yoga class is too healthy for me!

Namaste, Peoples!!!

Now go out and do something totally silly for yourself today! Who knows? Your silliness just may unwittingly bring a smile to someone’s otherwise heavy heart….

Day 1 of Miss Betsy’s Gentle Yoga Class

For the past 15 or so years my family, friends, medical personnel, etc. have been trying to wheedle me into a yoga class to help me manage my daily pain.

Medication does not always help me, so I thought, “What the heck, I’ll try it!”

I solicit my friends’ advice and they suggest the gentle yoga class with Miss Betsy at our local Senior Center. It’s within my budget, close to home and my buddy, Lou, goes there.

Perfect, right???

OK, so on Sunday, I’m all jazzed and getting ready for my “new class”: Got my yoga mat (The Princess tells me to “lose the extra camping mat that I took out or I’ll look like a TOTAL newbie on my first day!”), got my outfit picked out (I don’t wanna look like a total DWEEB in front of “Miss Betsy and the other Yogees”), put my water bottle on the counter so I wouldn’t forget it – and EVEN washed my car! (You never know who you’re gonna run into at the Senior Center! And my windshield was so dusty that I’ve been thinking lately that I should get my eyes checked for cataracts!)

 

So any-way, I fortified myself with oatmeal that morning (even put in a little flax seed with cinnamon for that “extra something special for energy”) – meticulously bandaged my foot (to protect my newly acquired bone spur that I developed trying to get my Buddha belly under control by walking every day) – ironed my outfit (as a newbie, I don’t wanna be rolling around a dirty floor with wrinkly clothes); put on extra deodorant and powder and took an extra shot of mouthwash (lest I offend anyone with some “funky odors” in my first-ever Yoga class!): and out the door I went with the anticipation of a 5-year-old on her first day of school.

My buddy, Lou, graciously brings me to the Center (despite the fact that SHE, herself, cannot go to class that day), shows me around and kindly introduces me to some of the ladies.

After all the introductions, Lou graciously takes her leave and I start to unfold my mat on the floor while chatting with one of the participants.

“Yes,” she reassures me, “this is a good class for beginners. You’ll do fine with Miss Betsy. She’s really good with new people and is just an all-around considerate yoga instructor.”

Well, long story short: After hanging around for 20 minutes and shooting the breeze with Lily (our local retired librarian) and some of the other yogee’s, it turned out that Miss Betsy was a “no show”!

So, I watched the ladies start to methodically roll up their yoga mats and quietly file out the door and I’m thinking, “Damn! Does anybody know if Miss Betsy’s O.K.?”

“Uh, hullo people! Ya think someone should call her and find out if she’s sick or possibly road kill some place between here and her home?”

“No? O.K.”

“Guess I won’t be needin’ my yoga mat this morning (or for that matter that extra shot of deodorant I put on.)”

Geesch.

I find out the next week that Miss Considerate herself had an appointment that morning and forgot to get emails out to everyone!

Swell.

So here I sit on Monday morning with clean, ironed clothes, brushed teeth, a sparkly clean car and smellin’ fresh as a Spring daisy but with no-where to go!

Bummer.

Such is life in my shoes.  Have a great day, Peoples! And remember: keep your clothes ironed, your teeth brushed and never leave the house without clean undies!

My Mom always told me that “in case I got into an accident”. Never made sense to me, so I asked her one day, “Mom, if I get into an accident, don’t ‘cha think that I’m going to end up with soiled undies, anyway?”

 

Mom, not missing a beat, retorted, “Lucie, that’s what MY MOTHER always told ME and now I’m telling YOU! Stop questioning generations of wisdom and get outta here.”

Catch ya next Tuesday, People! And don’t be messing with your Momma’s wisdom!!! (God forbid, you should catch yourself repeating such a cliché to future generations.)