Lucie Needs a Program!

Alrighty!

This weekend the Princess and I were out shopping and I told her that I needed some more socks and undies.

Now for those of you that intimately know me, you know I’m OCD about good socks and underwear.

God forbid if my undies have a tiny hole in them or are “stretched out and baggy” in any way. I don’t mind wearing ratty sweatshirts and painted sweat pants, but I draw the line with baggy, holey underwear.

No siree, Bob.

And don’t start me on socks.

I DETEST stretched out, holey socks.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I don’t do the “Pippi Longstocking” look.

Drives me batty when I see people walking around in public with flimsy, stretched-out sport socks flapping around their ankles.

Che schifo! (How disgusting!)

I don’t do “CHEAP, flimsy-looking” socks, either.

Especially sport socks.

And have you priced a pair of thorlo sport socks, lately, People? You need a second mortgage on your house, to purchase a pair.

I don’t have expensive clothing and jewelry, but if I get into an accident and get taken to the hospital, with my sport socks and undies still miraculously attached; at least the medics will be cutting into quality, well-made underwear and socks, to get to what’s remaining of my menopausal, puckered, (slightly) fluffy body parts.

So, anyway, I told the Princess that I needed some more of the Nike no show socks.

I didn’t like the look of the low cut socks that I was wearing with my new sneaks, and I needed more of the “no show” kind.

Uh-Hun.

So, the Princess gives me one of those “you gotta be kidding me looks” and sternly says, “Lucie, you’ve got 4 drawers of sport socks! You’re telling me you don’t have ANY low cut socks in those 4 drawers of socks?”

“No”, I innocently answer. “I didn’t say that. I said that I need more of the ‘no show’ kind.”

Uh-Hun.

“Lucie, she patiently responds, “I KNOW you’ve got the ‘no show’ kind. Have you gone through your sock drawers, lately?”

“Ma, che sei grullo! (How stupid are you?)” I answer.

“Who the hell has time to go through 4 drawers of socks to look for a particular kind of sock, for Pete’s sake?” I continue.

“I’m retired, not bored.”

Uh-Hun.

Well, I’m bored and decided to “organize my sock drawers” today, after buying 6 more pair of “no show” sport socks, People, and I shamefully stand before you a woman acutely in need of a sock intervention!

Yes, I can’t believe it, but I’m the Imelda Marcos of sport socks and desperately in need of an intervention program.

I’m sitting in the middle of 97 pair of multi-colored, various-styled sport socks that can be used for biking, hiking, skiing, snow shoeing, walking, gardening and a host of other activities, and have ONE (yes, you read correctly), ONE pair of nylons that I’ve had so long that I think they’re actually coming back into vogue, again.

Help!

Is there a 12-step recovery (sock) program for people like me?

Oh well, as my 99-year old Aunt Molly likes to say, “Cazzo, what ‘cha gonna do?”

Hope your 4th was filled with good food, the company of good friends, and much laughter.

Have a good week, People, and I’ll catch you next time, with another adventure, looking at life from MY shoes!

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