Ok, so the Princess and I have been having parking issues in front of our house for the past year or so now with people parking at an angle in front and in back of our vehicle that is parallel parked in front of our home which has created a situation that (a.) makes it virtually impossible for us to move our car without playing demolition derby with each of the cars parked in front of us and in back of us and (b.) makes it a safety issue for us trying to back out our other car from the mouth of our driveway.
So, being the reasonably intelligent person that I am, I research parking codes on our street and discover that it’s not legal to park at an angle. Great, I think to myself, problem solved!
OK. Call the Sheriff’s Dept. Let’s get their assistance in enforcing this code and solve my little problem here today.
I call the Sheriff’s Dept. and Deputy Dawg and his side kick, Tonto (or whatever the heck his name is!) comes out here, looks at the situation and says, “Hm, looks like you’ve got a problem here. What would you like me to do?”
“Well, Deputy, I’m not sure, what do you advise?”, I query.
“As you can see”, I continue, “it’s almost impossible for me to get my van out of my parking spot and it’s a major safety issue when my partner backs her car out of the driveway every morning because she can’t see with the vehicles parked that way. What do you think we should do?”
Ok, so Tonto and Deputy Dawg talk it over a few minutes and declare, “You’d best be calling Elana with the county parking dept. She knows the parking laws and she’ll let you know what the parking codes are. You call Elana and then let us know. Have a nice day.”
Yep. That’s the solution, right?
OK, so I put a call into Elana last Thursday. She returns my call on Tuesday morning while I’m on my way out the door to get my hair cut and informs me that she’s “looking at my parking situation using Google right now and she advises that we park our vehicles perpendicular as well, put a big ass-ugly “DO NOT PARK SIGN” on the front of our gate (so people won’t TOTALLY block us from our driveway) and/or get rid of the gravel that we have out in front to stop encouraging people from dumping their unwanted trash there and have it black- topped or better yet, paved.”
“Yes, it’s not our property”, she curtly informs me, “but maybe if people see it paved, it wll deter them from parking in front of your house and just may cut down on the unwanted trash.”
“And by the way, she continues, it doesn’t look like there’s any trash in the area at all right now.”
Now for those of you who know me, you know I’m out doors on a regular basis doing landscaping and general cleaning and picking up to try to stay one step ahead of the neighborhood slobs, so when she says this to me, my first thought was, “OMG!!! I think I’d like to throttle this woman. Is she totally clueless or just a little slow to catch on?!” But instead, I calmly say, “Thank you, Elana, for your compliment. I’m out there on a regular basis picking up people’s trash, cigarette butts, and throw aways from the roach coach (who, by the way, has found our “parking accessability” quite accomodating to his thriving business!”)
Yes, people, don’t get me started on the roach coach situation. I’ve temporarily solved that little problem by “paying them off” with home grown tomatos, but I digress.
“Well, she continues, “the more I think about this, the more I think that having that area black-topped or paved would definitely be the way to go! That way, it just might deter people from parking there and it would definitely be easier for you to pick up and sweep.”
Really?! Seriously?! Did she just recommend that I spend our limited funds paving “the county’s property“, so I could park more cars in front of our house (by parking at an angle), so we could have a virtual parking lot out there (thereby creating more trash); so I could “sweep and clean up easier“?!!!
OMG! Shoot me, Lord! Just shoot me and take me outta my misery!
“OK, Elana, I’m running late to my hair appointment this morning. Thanks alot for calling me back!”
Yep. I’m so glad that I’m a tax paying resident in this county. Just warms my heart to know that the county has people like Elana, Deputy Dawg and Tonto on the pay roll solving our various “county issues” on a daily basis!!
Okey-Dokey, Peoples! Go out there and have a great day! Ya gotta have a sense of humor, when you’re living life in my shoes!