Manicures, Pedicures and Gifts from the Heart

Yep.

For years now, I’ve been one of these woman who, despite the fact that I can admire (and even envy) women with acrylic nails, I’ve never been able to partake of such luxuries because of some serious sensitivities to all the chemicals in the polish, etc.

And as the main “landscaper and gardener” in the household, it never made much sense to me to spend all this money on a “so-called luxury” that cut off my breathing and sent me into fits of uncontrollable coughing when I’m only going to ruin them with one morning of serious gardening.

So, you can imagine my total “surprise” when the Princess decided to “treat me” to a manicure and pedicure at the local salon where we live!

“You so deserve this,” she says to me while I’m opening up the cute little bag that she put the gift card in.

“You work so hard and deserve a little pampering once in awhile, Sweetie,” she continues.

So, I pull out the little card that says “Belle’s Beauty Salon” and I’m thinking to myself, “I sure as sh-t hope this isn’t what I think it is! She knows (on the one or two occasions a year that I do my nails for weddings or special occasions) that I have to take myself outside (no matter what the temperature is!), make sure there are tornado-like winds (so the fumes are “vented” for me!) and basically wear a gas mask, so I don’t keel over from the polish fumes!

Oh dear, yep. As sure as the sun rises and sets every day, this gift card is for a manicure, pedicure and tip! (Isn’t my Princess sweet? She can’t remember that her significant other has a major health issue with a variety of chemicals, but she remembers to tip the beautician. That’s nice. She’s got me covered in case I croak before I leave the place!)

OMG! Seriously? Really?

Did my significant other of 16 years just give me a gift for something that could significantly cut off my breathing and give me a serious rash?! Say it ain’t so, Lord! Please say it ain’t so!

Yep. Unfortunately, it is….

OK, now how do I thank her sweet little self while at the same time gently let her know, “Sweetie, remember me? You’re always reminding me how delicate I am???? And sitting in a nail salon for over an hour could do some major damage to my immune system and maybe end life for me, as I know it.

You know what?! My life isn’t worth it!

“Thanks, Sweetie,” I say and give her a big hug! “You’re the best!”

“I thought you’d like it”, she says while grinning from ear to ear.

“You’re always admiring everyone else’s nails and my niece, Annie, highly recommended this salon. Make sure you ask for Ellen. She’s the owner and the one my niece said is really good!” (Hmm…I’m thinking to myself, I sure as heck hope Ellen’s good at mouth to mouth, because that’s what I’ll be needing if I’m there the full hour!!)

“Enjoy it. You sooo deserve it!”

Yep. Gotta love that woman! She’s a keeper!

You certainly have to agree: Life in my shoes is never dull! Have a good day, Peoples!

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Rusty Irons and Toilet Paper Dispensers!

Ok, so I wake up the other morning and catch the Princess walking out of the ironing room muttering something under her breath about “the piece of crap iron that we have and how I’d best put a new iron on my list of things to buy” etc. etc. because “the stupid thing only works half the time and the other half of the time the dam thing doesn’t have steam in it and doesn’t iron her work clothes nicely!”

Now I find this quite humorous, don’t ‘cha know, because I’m the one that is constantly finding the iron void of water when I go to use it to do my ironing and am always wondering why SHE never fills it with water!

So I ask her highness, “Have you been adding any water to the thing?” (Now remember, people, this is the same woman that called me from work a few weeks ago to complain about her piece of crap iPhone not working right after dropping it a bazillion times!)

Her response: “Why would I do that?! The iron will end up getting rusty and ruin my good work clothes!”

Rusty?! Rusty?! Seriously?! Did she just say that???? Does she think the steam that she’s been getting magically appears most every morning because of some little “steam genie in the iron”????!

I’m just about ready to ask her this question and it dawns on me while I’m looking at her “punk rocker hairdo” (the results of having one hulluva night sleeping with a cat that had a major attitude!): I think I’d best be leaving that question for another day, or at least until after she has a few cups of coffee and acquires a better hair-do.

“OK”, I tell myself,” let me go hit the john this morning before I tackle any major projects. I always think better when my bladder is empty and I don’t wanna be “filling anything (like an iron) until I’ve done just that.” (Yeah, I know, people, those of you under 40 can’t relate, but trust me, someday you WILL and then you’ll say to yourself, “Yep, by golly, Lucie was sure right about thinking clearer when your bladder is empty!”)

So I’m sitting there on the toilet and I noticed that there’s no toilet paper on the rung.

“Oh for God sakes,” I say out loud, “am I the only one that changes the toilet paper in this (blankety blank) house?!”

Really. I swear to God every place I go, I end up replacing the toilet paper! And don’t get me started on “commercial toilet dispensers” at restaurants and theaters because you need a manual just to get a few tissues outta the blasted thing and a trip to the Home Depot to buy a crow bar to open it so the second roll “drops down”! (Seriously, is there anyone out there that has had the second role “drop” without having to use a crow bar? Have you?! Please, I’d like to meet you. I think there should be some kind of special award made just for you for this special occasion.)

And people, people, people, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE: There’s a RIGHT way and WRONG way to have the toilet paper unroll! Don’t make me take it off the rung and replace it just because YOU didn’t have the foresight to put it on “the right way” to begin with!

“Geesch!”

I’m tellin’ ya: “Life in MY shoes sure is fun!”

“Have a great week, Peoples!”

Hullo Blog World! My Name’s Lucie

Okey-Dokey Peoples, I haven’t the foggiest idea what in Sam’s creation I’m doing, but I need a test “post” (or is it “page”?), so here goes….Hopefully, someone else besides ME will be able to read this and tell me if I’m “on” or not?!!! Hm….so, I’m going to press “publish” and I’m hoping this gets “published on my blog” and doesn’t end up in one of those “clouds” people are talking about, lately!

Uh, ok, is anyone out there????????? Hullo…..You there?

Holy free holy, I’m actually on!!! Aren’t I just a techno-wizard?!!

Well, anyways, I’m Lucie and I’m a New York transplant who lives in sunny (drought stricken) Ca with my wacky (but highly lovable) life partner and two messed up cats! My humor is New York born with an Italian twist and for those of you who liked Ms. (Erma) Bombeck and remember her (may she rest in peace!), you MAY just find some similarities in my humor! (Not that I’m as TALENTED as SHE, but I think you’ll find I have a very similar “view of the world”.)

I hope you find my weekly postings humorous and encourage you to comment (if you’re so moved to do so!)