A Hoarder’s Paradise from Hell!

Garage sale, moving sale, yard sale…they’re all a hoarder’s paradise and most definitely an interesting study of mankind. And the Princess and I, having nothing better to do with our limited time one Saturday, decided that it was time we tried throwing one ourselves.

After all, why not join the hordes of others and hang-out my outgrown biker undies for the world to see? I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’ve put on a few pounds since my mountain biking days. I’ve earned this midriff fluff that I’m sportin’ these days.

So, that’s exactly what the Princess and I did last month – joined the multitudes; gathered everything from clothing and books, to sporting equipment and household goods, and put the whole kit and caboodle out for the world to rummage through.

And rummage, they did!

We meticulously sorted everything – making sure we didn’t confuse anyone by placing a coffee maker next to a pair of biker shorts – and ten minutes before the scheduled 9 a.m. start time, we innocently opened the gates of hell to a stampede of garage-sale-savvy-shoppers, who picked through our meticulously placed items, like frenzied piranhas.

Cazzo (Ot-so)!

The Princess, naively thinking that she’d read the morning newspaper and leisurely enjoy her cup of coffee, choked on her first gulp of hot Joe and spilled it down the front of her shirt as one of the frenetic shoppers elbowed past her and stepped onto her Croc-covered toes. Meanwhile, I stood-by – totally frozen in place – and watched in horror as people magically appeared and ruffled through (what moments before) had been our meticulously organized belongings.

Talk about the trauma of coming out! I’ve changed clothing in our car, many times, while the Princess has been driving on the freeway, but never in my days of freeway strip teasing, have I felt so naked and tossed about.


I never realized how crazy people can get over a pair of well-worn hiking shoes and some padded biker underwear. It’s enough to make you swear-off drinking for a while – or if you’ve never taken it up, START!

The first wave of descenders disappeared as quickly as they showed up, apparently not interested in our high-end merchandise of Barbara Streisand CD’s and Harry Potter books, and I settled into reading the first paragraph of the new Karin Slaughter book, when a new trickle of fellow hoarders dropped by to look over what we had spread out for the world to pick-through. Only this time, we actually had a real customer…or so we thought.

“So,” he began. “What do you want for this book and hat? I’ll give you a buck-fifty for the two of them,” he bargained.

“Hm,” I responded. “The hat is brand new, and as I’m sure you’re aware, is worth over $25.00.”

“I’ll give both to you for $3.00,” I continued. “How does that sound?”

“Well,” he answered. “Sounds to me like you’re gonna be keeping a lot of your stuff today,” he gruffly responded.

“Have a nice day,” he added, and out the gate he marched.


At that point, there were other potential bargain hunters within our midst, and I looked at the Princess with raised eyebrows and telepathically asked her, “Are we supposed to be paying THEM to take our stuff, or what? I’m not quite sure how this works.”

The Princess, living with me long enough to read my mind, gave me one of her dumb-founded looks and just shrugged her shoulders while mouthing, “Don’t ask me!”


We got another book buyer interested in our leather-bound, illustrated edition of J.R.R. Tolkien’s, “The Hobbit” with matching slipcase. This isn’t one of my books and I had no idea how much to ask for it. In light of my last negotiation, I figured a buck would be a fair asking price.

“Uh,” guy number two started. “What ‘cha want for this Hobbit edition? Your Harry Potter books, ya know, are going for 25 cents these days?” he coyly added on. “Just thought you should know.”

“Well,” I started out, keenly aware of gentleman number one’s rejection. “How’s a buck sound?”

“Sounds fair to me,” he said. He then quickly handed me the dollar and proceeded to tell me the story of how he and his wife met in her English class over thirty years ago; and the first failed assignment he had with her was an assignment on “The Hobbit”.

“Yep,” he continued. “Gonna give this book to my grandchild for her birthday present this week.”

“Well, what a lovely story and family tradition,” I told him.

“God bless you,” I continued. “Glad to hear that our book will be going to a loving family. Have a great weekend.”

“Yep,” he winked at me. “This book just made my day. You two have a good weekend, too.”

And with that, he got into his truck and high-tailed it down Woodside Avenue.

Now all the while “The Hobbit dude” and I had been talking, the Princess (like the proverbial rancher who closed the barn door after the horse got out) decided to use her smartphone to research the actual price of said “Hobbit book”.

“Well,” the Princess began. “I’m really glad you blessed the dude and he politely thanked you, ‘cuz you know how much MY hobbit book was worth?” she asked, while crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Just guess,” she continued. “Take a wild guess, Lucie.”

“Uh,” I clumsily began. “I haven’t a clue.”

“But,” I continued while raising my voice. “If it’s more than five bucks, I told you to price your stuff! So, it’s not my fault.”

“No Sir-ee!” I persisted. “It’s definitely not my fault.”

“Yah, Babe, you’re right,” she jovially responded. “No biggie, Hun. Karma will bite him in the butt someday and 60 bucks ain’t gonna break us or make us. This is just another day in our storied lives; just another day in Lucie’s Shoes,” she said while winking at me.

And, of course, People, she was right.

Hopefully, this was our FIRST and LAST garage sale. The next time we need to down-size, I think a donation to some well-deserving organization is in order.

In the meantime, be kind to one another, and I’ll catch ya the next time, looking at “Life in Lucie’s Shoes”!




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I'm a retired special ed teacher, born in upstate NY, who spent most of my adult life in the SF/Bay Area and moved to the Olympic Peninsula of WA in June of 2017. At the encouragement of family and friends, who followed my silliness on my FB page, I started this blog a few years ago. I try to keep my topics as humorous as possible (because I believe "LIFE" is pretty serious these days), but will, on occasion write about more solemn subjects. I sincerely appreciate all who take the time and effort to read and make comments and am truly humbled when people actually "like" what I write. I do not participate in the "Wordpress awards" because I feel "awarded" when individuals actually read me and comment, but sincerely appreciate all of you who have considered me "award worthy" and thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hugs, Lucie

13 thoughts on “A Hoarder’s Paradise from Hell!”

  1. Hi Lucie
    Had me a garage sale once and it almost resulted in the men in white coats taking me somewhere slightly more awful than the bloody garage sale. Crikey!! Wished I never owned a garage in the first place, I have friends that have garage sales and they don’t even have a garage. What’s worse is they have one of these things every other week and whats even worse than that is they go buy other peoples stuff at garage sales then try marking it up a buck or two for a profit at their own freakin’ garage sales. Eeeek!!

    Happy to hear though that your budiful relationship with The Princess remained just that after you negotiated a fifty nine buck loss on her prized leather bound JRR Tolkien ‘ The Hobbit ‘ and you both just notched the seemingly painful experience of a garage sale up as ‘ Let’s don’t go there again babe ‘.

    Digressing for a few seconds back to my garage sale, my beloved other just scratched his head with the speed of a rabid dog as he watched on for 2 hours while I proceeded to politely GIVE away all bar a bucket of used golf balls that was clearly priced at 10 bucks ( his writing on the tag ). ” Oh no worries I said, they are yours for 2 bucks “, well thats what the lovely man offered! Two hours had passed and I looked around and everything was gone except for a brand new iron still in it’s box, unopened and a very large urn that I had painted a black and white Zebra pattern on when I went through my African inspired decorating phase ( I wonder why they didn’t sell ). It was almost like my beloved half read my mind because he asked, why the ( expletive) didn’t ya bloody well give them away too????
    NOT HAPPY JAN!! well that would be Anne in fact, was my old man, who now had less hair on his head than when the garage sale got underway, ” can’t you read woman, I had 10 bucks on those golf balls? ” for cryin’ out loud you gave the whole darn lot away it’s a wonder we still have our ( expletive ) garage.
    If garage sale ever gets mentioned in this house, in earshot of my beloved, there will be no beloved, because HE WILL FLAMIN’ , IT WON’T BE NICE!!! put it that way.
    Lucie ol’ mate I am still wagering your Mr Hobbit came close to as big a loss as me giving all our crap away…Mmmmm!! The Princess extremely forgiving on that one mate..hehehe!!! Garage sales, Urrgh!!!!
    Love ya dear friend
    Hugs heading your way, hoping you are well
    Annie in Australia 🌞 🌴 🌊 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, Annie! Miss you, Mate! Writing my submission for Tuesday’s posting on my trip to NY (part of my trip to NY, anyways….) Miss you and hope you’re doing a smidgen better than last month??????? Yes?? No???? Anyway, you’re always in my prayers and heart….<3 Lucie


  2. It is disconcerting to have people “devalue” your stuff. They seem to think you should just put out a sign that says “Free to a good home”.

    My dad was a clergyman, so they moved about every ten years or so. Somebody would pick up a good Martex bath and suggest to their companion that it would be nice “rag to wash the car”. My mum said she felt like snatching it out of their hand!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We began to feel like we needed to pay them to take our stuff…it was totally silly after a while…one guy actually did try to take a nerf football because he felt he bought 2 items and the 3rd should be free!☺


  3. Oh, what a bummer. You could’ve sold that on Amazon for a better price, but at least this was much easier, and you really made that guy’s day, plus his grandkid will love it. Not a total loss there.

    Also, there’s padded biker underwear? Who knew?

    Did it go okay when all was said and done? Did you get rid of a lot of your stuff?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, thankfully, we did indeed get rid of a lot of stuff. And yes there are actually padded biking underwear…now,unfortunately, I’m carrying around my own “pad”,so I don’t need them.😆

      Liked by 1 person

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