One of Lucie’s Brighter Ideas…..Not!!!

OK, People, so whoever said that wisdom comes with age?

 

I never did, that’s for damn sure!

 

Life in draught-stricken Northern CA., lately, has been “drier than popcorn farts and warmer than 2 rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock”, as my Uncle Tony likes to say.

 

So, the Princess and I decided that a trip to see family in the flyover state of fry sauce and minivans (a.k.a. Utah) was in order and stupidly decide that snowshoeing and skiing is a perfect choice for two, menopausal women sportin’ fluffy midriffs.

 

After all, we haven’t snowshoed in a month of Sundays and I haven’t skied in forever and a day, but far be it for me to stop the infamous “Lucy and Ethel twosome” from pursuing outside activities to keep them fit and feeling alive.

 

So, the Princess, my brothers, their wives and my sister all joined me and a family friend on the beautiful slopes of Brighton Ski Resort for a day of outdoor fun and family bonding.

 

Un-Hun.

 

Yep. That’s how it started out, anyhow.

 

Had I known that this “bonding” would have involved a ski trip down “Hell’s Alley” and some serious negotiations with The Man, himself, I would have opted for another way to “bond”.

 

Far be it for me, though, to be labeled a “poor sport” or worse yet, a “candy ass”.

 

We get to the resort bright and early in the morning with the Princess in tow, so she can hang out at the lodge and play “ski bunny” for the day, and four of the seven of us head out to hit the slopes and start some kick-ass skiing for the day.

 

The last thing I remember telling my brother, sister-in-law and sister before sliding off the intermediate chair lift was,

“Don’t lose me. This is my first run of the day and I don’t know where the hell I’m going!”

 

(My fat, dimpled knees and Buddha belly are shaking like a teenager after a six-pack of Red Bull, as I’m eye-balling the ginormous slope that lay in front of me, and I begin to wonder if this is gonna be the LAST of my bucket list items that gets checked off, and not my FIRST!)

 

Uh-Hun.

 

Guess my belly and knees took too long to look at the slope, because the next thing I know, my brother and sister-in-law are swooshing their way out of sight and I never see them again until lunchtime.

 

 

My sister, Carmela (who also hasn’t skied in a month of Sundays) and I, cautiously start our way down the mountain and somehow end up on a slope that has one too many moguls on it to be an intermediate trail.

 

Being the older (and, of course, wiser!) sister that I am, I suggest we stop and look at our map to see if there’s a “trail for old ladies”.

 

Un-Hun.

 

The Last Exit for Paradise and Senior Citizens was about 50 yards behind us, and unless we wanted to be doing some heavy duty mountain climbing with our skis on, we’d best “put on our big boy pants”, ‘cuz we had some serious moguls to “whup”.

 

I look at the map one more time, while trying to stop my knees from wobbling so violently, and yell to my sister (who’s behind me) that we’re on a trail called, “Oh My, Oh My,” and I’m aptly thinking, “Oh Sh-T! Oh Sh-T!”

 

If I’m reading the slope correctly (and map!), I do believe we’re on a black diamond (expert) trail.

 

Carmela, being one of my Mother’s brighter children, looks down the mountain and astutely replies, “No sh-t, Sherlock! Ya think maybe the name of the trail would have given you the FIRST clue?!”

 

Have I told you that my family (and in-laws) all has a keen sense of humor like mine?

 

Most of us have been to therapy for such humor and paid handsomely for it, but far be it for us not to relapse, on occasion, during certain stressful situations.

 

I continue looking down the mountain and quickly conclude that this is one of those “each man for himself” kind of moments and decide my Buddha butt and I are taking the “coward’s way down”.

 

So, I point my skis down the slope, take off down the side of the moguls and end up on my butt in a cloud of snow that frightens the bejeebers outta my sister and sends me into 3 quick “Hail Mary’s” and an “Our Father” praying that Jesus sends us help in the form of a ski angel.

 

Thankfully, my sister didn’t arrive at the same (each man for himself) conclusion and comes to assist my snow-entombed, Buddha butt.

 

 

We miraculously get off the diamond trail and are skiing on an intermediate one, when I stop for a minute to catch my breath, and happen to look up just in time to see that my sister has inadvertently stopped at the bottom of a snow boarder’s jump.

 

Madonna!

 

Before I can mutter a word of warning to her, I see a snow boarder come flying like a bat outta hell (over her head) from behind her!

 

Suddenly, as I’m witnessing what I think is my sister’s last stand, everything goes into slow motion and I think: “Oh my God! My sister just got stamped “Return to Sender” and is headed for the infamous “Pine Condo Estates”!

 

Thankfully, she doesn’t have time to react, and the guy hits the jump and goes whizzing past her, missing her by inches.

 

Cazzo!

 

We’re not even down the mountain on our first run of the day and both of us almost go home feet first.

 

At this point, I’m thinkin’, “Screw the 100 bucks it cost me today to check off this bucket list item! I’m finding the Princess and sucking down some hot toddies for the rest of the morning, until my family catches up with me for lunch!”

 

Playing ski bunny with the Princess and sipping hot cocoa (laced with Bailey’s Irish Cream) sounds good to me and my banged-up, bruised, Buddha butt.

 

Try not to do anything stupid today, People, and God willing, I’ll catch ya next week for another adventure looking at life from my shoes!

 

 

 

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Published by

Lucie

After much encouragement and prodding by family, friends and professionals, I (a former Special ed. teacher and consultant from Northern Ca., who recently moved to the Olympic Peninsula of WA.) decided to take my FACEBOOK postings on my silly life with my life partner and 2 wacky cats and share them with a broader audience. I sincerley hope that I can bring a chuckle or two to all who enter my world when you read my blog. (Now let's hope that I can muster enough competence to figure out how to use this site in a reasonably competent fashion, so that I still have fun writing and others can actually "find me"!!!!) I wish all who enter "Lucie's World" much joy and laughter and ask that if I've touch your life in any way and made you giggle or smile, that you "pay it forward" for the week and share a moment or two of laughter with someone that you care about....

13 thoughts on “One of Lucie’s Brighter Ideas…..Not!!!”

  1. Candace and I lol’d at the paragraph with the red bull and bucket lists… and not just a “strong nose exhale” which is what most people on the internet mean when they type lol … but we had a nice healthy gut laugh together and we really needed one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw….I’m so glad you gotta chuckle outta my silliness, Aaron! You guys are in my thoughts and prayers….Thank you for such a lovely compliment. It’s an honor, Little Buddy, that you even READ me! 🙂

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    1. Hi You! Thanks for stopping by and letting me know that you read “me”!!! And glad you liked this one. It was rather long, but didn’t “flow” if I divided it into 2 parts, so I went with it “as is” and so far people are doing ok……Thx for the stop by! Catch ya later!! ❤ 🙂

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  2. Oh how I wish I’d been there to see your fun-filled romp in the snow. Your words bring your stories to life and put your readers in the middle of the action, a great place to be. Family in Utah, huh? You and me both, which is why the line about fry sauce and minivans was especially delicious to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I think God had a good laugh at me (and I think maybe Joan Rivers and Robin Williams,too!) I’m just glad that you got a kick outta it! And yes, all the siblings ended up in Utah. I’m the last hold out in CA. and will more than likely be the only “hold out” ‘cuz I love it too much out here. I’m a huge fan of the Redwoods and ocean and good food and good colleges and great shopping and entertainment and,,,,,,what can I say? I’m definitely a CA kid! Utah’s pretty, but I love my CA!! 🙂 Glad you appreciated the line on “fry sauce and minivans”! 🙂 I wondered if anyone (besides my family members) would get it! Thanks for the read. I appreciate you taking the time to read me. 🙂

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    1. Never been there…have only gotten stuck there during snow storms and rain storms flying from the West Coast to the East Coast……Will hafta try your neck of the woods and Mt. bike! I’m sure there’s another “Lucie adventure” in there somewhere!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Erica. Your appreciation means alot. As far as having “chutzpah”, one of my teacher friends emailed me and told me that it musta been “oxygen deprivation” due to the pneumonia that I (unknowingly) had!!! Maybe or maybe I’m just certifiably nuts!!! Either way, it made for an interesting story! And thanks, Kiddo, for the read! Hope all is well with your Mom! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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