Exercising, as many of you know, is not high on my list of fun activities to do during the week.
So, when medical professionals politely (but strongly) suggested to me and my Buddha Belly that we needed to start a daily exercise routine of some kind, I acquiesced and decided that walking would be a better alternative to, say, belly dancing for Seniors with Miss Bedelia on Wednesdays, or wheelchair racing for crusty curmudgeons with Mr. Karl on Thursdays.
After all, I still have one working knee left and one foot that, for all practical purposes, is able to fit in my shoe with only one orthotic and a little coaxing from my trusty Mickey Mouse shoehorn.
And walking, unlike other activities, is free, can be done most anywhere (including a mall), requires no special equipment, requires neither the companionship of man nor beast, and is truly good βtherapyβ for both mind and body.
So why do I (Miss Buddha Belly herself) hate it so much?
I donβt seem to mind snarfing down those extra helpings of rigatoni and garlic bread, and I havenβt seen anyone twisting my arm lately to eat the Seeβs candy that I somehow need after inhaling said plate of pasta; so what, pray tell, bothers me so much about taking my daily, neighborhood walk today?
It wouldnβt have anything to do with the fact that Iβve got the Bermuda Triangle on my face in the form of two chin zits and a cold sore on my upper lip the size of all Texas, now would it?
Or could it possibly be that when Iβm not in a blue rubber rain suit and barn boots, Iβm wearing a pair of ratty sweatpants decorated with paint stains and an old college sweatshirt that is badly in need of a recycle bin? Most everyone else I run into while walking in the morning look like theyβre straight outta the βStepford Wivesβ and quite stylinβ in their Spandex and Nike running shoes.
(And yes, People, Iβve tried to look stylish myself, donβt βcha know, but Nike doesnβt make a running shoe that accommodates old lady orthotics. And Spandex IS NOT meant for those of us sportinβ Buddha Bellies or post-menopausal buttocks. Iβm not saying there arenβt those among us who havenβt shared that little look with others, just Β saying, βIβm not one of those women who wants my belly, booty and bazoomas bouncing around in Spandex for every Tom, Dick and Harry to see, ya know?β)
I might have the occasional dental drool crusted on the front of my shirt or a lotion goober or two glued on my pant leg, and maybe even a little nose snot escaped on my lip every once in a blue moon, but damn, I draw the line when it comes to flappinβ bellies and bubble butts in under-sized Spandex!
A girlβs gotta have a modicum of modesty and humility, ya know?
I may be old and a tad fluffy in the midriff area, but far be it for anyone to tell me that my Spandex-enclosed belly or buttocks is offending anyone!
(Itβs not a site my neighbors are going to be seeing anytime too soon. Iβve already got a reputation for being a bit of a βcharacter.β I sure as heck donβt need βSpandex Buddha – Mommaβ to be added to my list of otherwise colorful descriptions, thank you very much!)
Geesch.
Anyhow, Iβm really disgusted with the fact that Iβve got this ugly, monstrous cold sore in the middle of my upper lip, and Iβm asking God how the hell I (a verifiable Ross Dept. store Senior citizen) got not one, but TWO ample-sized zits on my chin, when I look up to see one of my βStepford Wifeβ neighbors carrying one of those white plastic, 10-gallon kitchen bags (the kind many of us use for our kitchen trash bin) to use for her dainty, little 3 lb. Yorky.
And it hits me!
Iβm not the only one outta my bubble this morning whoβs lookinβ a tad silly.
At least Iβm not walking around the neighborhood with a big ass 10-gallon plastic bag flapping in the breeze to pick up little βFifiβsβ poo!
Thank you, Lord! I needed that moment of silliness.
Think Iβll stick with my Bermuda Triangle of zits and cold sores today, thank you very much.
Go out and have a grand day today, People! And remember: Life in our shoes may not always be easy, but if we take the time to look (really hard!), itβs usually sillyβ¦Catch ya next week for another adventure looking at life in my shoes.
Β
Haha, I would love to know the other things that earned you a reputation as being a bit of a “character”…
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I’m a retired school teacher …..need I say more?! π
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XD at least you’re RETIRED, ie. not in the business of torture anymore π Hahaha, I’m just being silly ^_^
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I only tortured kids that i liked! Gave me more pleasure that way!!!! π
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I find that people are too busy thinking about themselves to even bother for a second what other people are doing.
Ever consider speed walking? buy some pink yoga pants, bulky yellow sweatshirt. rainbow headbands, wrist bands and arm bands, some neon green ankle weights, and an oversized Mp3 player for your shoulder.
Nobody will ever notice that your skin is breaking out.
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Anybody ever tell you that you’re too silly!!! π (And you’re probably right…most people are so tuned into their headphones while they’re walking, that they barely notice I’m in front of them.)
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When I have a cold sore or a zit, I just wear a Guy Fawkes mask everywhere I go. Then if anyone says anything to me I shout something about Julian Assange and quickly walk away.
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You darn fool! You’re so funny!!!! (I get the darn things every time I’m out for more than 5 minutes in the sun! And out here, lately, that’s the only weather we have: SUN. It’s now the state of no water and plenty of sun-shine….whatever….)
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Your story actually made me feel alot better about my own situation, because I only have ONE zit on my chin, plus a cold sore.
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Good to go, Kiddo! as long as you’re feeling better than everything’s good!!! π
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So, I now have my laugh-all-the-way-through-this-zany-writing hilarity of the day and can proceed with cleaning the bathroom with a smile where my frown used to be. Thank you.
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You are most welcomed! Glad you got a laugh before cleaning the bathroom! π
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see, compared to the rest of the world, you’re pretty normal, lucy. me too! we should have walking group for all of the real people. we’d show ’em what we’re made of! (chocolate and sweats and shirts with stains and spirit!)
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See? I knew I liked you from the moment I met/read you! We most certainly are NORMAL! It’s the rest of the world that’s weird. π
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I shall sing to you. Perhaps it will make you feel better.
β« Zit city doo dah, zit city eh, my oh my what a zitty day β«
β« Plenty of pimples, coming my way, zit city doo dah, zit city eh β«
β« Mister Black Head on my shoulder, it’s a zit, it’s acne, everything is satisfactory β«
β« Zit city doo dah, zit city eh, wonderful feeling, squeezing away β«
I bow. Thank you. Thank you. Oh no, don’t toss flowers.
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Yep!Feeling much better, thank you very much, you silly guy! π
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Oh, so funny!
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I got your picture on my email! I told you we were TWINS! Go buy some ABBREVA, little buddy! It really helps! β€
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The Yorky makes so much poop that she needs a 10 gallon bag?! Yikes! What is she feeding the poor thing?!
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Who knows, Laura?! The sight of it just made me start snickering so hard that I forgot all about my “Bermuda Triangle of Zits”!!! (I’m sure she just probably ran outta smaller bags, ‘cuz we live in a state that’s virtually “plastic bagless”, but it still made me chuckle!!!) π
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Hilarious, Lucie!! The triple b’s had me laughing out loud. Go with you Budhha self!
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Aw…thanks, Erica, for the input. As a “story teller”, you sometimes wonder exactly what DOES and DOESN’T touch people’s funny bones…. π
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