I went to the dentist last week.
And unlike the last time, I was bound and determined not to be drooling on myself after the visit.
So I get myself settled into the dental seat and Heloise (my happy- go-lucky hygienist) informs me that Dr. Mollar wasnβt there, but assures me that Dr. Smiley (who happens to be walking into the room while sheβs talking) is a βbang-up substitute for Dr. Mollar.β
After a minute or two exchanging pleasantries, Dr. Smiley begins stretching out my widdle wips like the bellows of an accordion and starts examining the deep recesses of my otherwise βtiny mouth.β
βUn humβ, Iβm thinkinβ while eye-balling Doogie Howser and his toothy, fixated grin, βI hope to hell this kid has a verifiable medical degree and knows what heβs doing, βcuz Booβs howling interfered with my beauty sleep last night, and my current tolerance for pain and incompetence is not too high.β
(And if he stretches out my lips any more, Iβm gonna end up with pair of rubberized turkey lips and looking like a lip augmentation gone bad!)
After spending what feels like forever and a day probing the dark recesses of my mouth for various dental maladies, Dr. Smiley releases my irritated (very raw), rubberized turkey lips, leans back on the dental counter, looks at me like a 5 year old with that innocent, sweet grin on his face and says, βIβm afraid youβve got a small cavity on your front incisor, but nothing we canβt take care of on your next visit. Not to worry.β
βI did, however, notice that you have some other dental issues,β he continues, βand wondered if you ever heard of cognitive behavioral therapy?β
βWTS?β Iβm thinking while eyeballing this young man over my tri-focals with an inquisitive (more than likely disparaging) raised left eyebrow.
I know I have hearing problems and Iβve had very little sleep in the past 24 hours, but βDid Dr. Never Stops Smilinβ just tell me I have a cavity and recommend cognitive behavioral therapy to take care of it?β
βYa gotta be kidding me!β
βIβve got a former endocrinologist who thinks my medication problems were signs of a bi-polar disorder, an allergist who mistakenly thought I had bone cancer, and now a newbie Dentist who thinks my cavities need therapy sessions?!β
βSeriously?β
βI gotta be in the βLand of Ozβ or better yet, βThe Twilight Zone!β
I donβt wanna be rude to this young man, so Iβm trying hard to compose my thoughts before I respond, when Dr. Smiley must have put 2 and 2 together while reading my affect and quickly says, βThe reason I asked, is because I noticed that youβve got some pretty serious teeth grinding issues going on and this type of cognitive therapy has proven to be highly beneficial for issues like this.β
βYep,β Iβm thinking to myself, βlet me add cognitive therapy to my to do list for all my marvelous little maladies. Iβll just fit it in between my yoga classes, my special foot and knee exercises, my daily walking routine, and my special dietary constraints for my hearing impediment. No problem. Iβm retired, donβt βcha know, and have all kinds of time (and money) to spend on lifeβs little medical necessities.
βWho the hell knows? Maybe itβll help out with my nightly Jimmy Legs (a.k.a. Restless Leg Syndrome)! Couldnβt hurt, could it?β
Ohβ¦my…God.
I know Californians are known for going to therapy for everything under the sun, but I think this is gonna be a hard sell for even my most understanding East Coast family members and friends.
(I can just hear me trying to explain to one of them during our conversation, βIβve gotta get going, Hun. Have a therapy session for my cavity. Yeah, my Dentist recommended that I go to it. Catch ya later!β)
Yep.
Thank goodness my Mother taught me that life is a circus.
Just wish she had given me a headβs up with the fact that Iβd be sharing it with a bunch of clowns.
Catch ya next week, People!
And remember, weβre all in this circus together, so be kind to one another. You never know when youβll be asked to be the Lead Clown!
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Oh boy ! What a nightmare ….. a dentist therapist ! I don’t have that problem as I had all my teeth extracted a couple of years ago due to piling in a 1kg bag of sugar into each cup of coffee I drank. Tell him you chew rocks for railway line gravel next time Lucie π β€
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So, you’re crazy AND toothless, eh Little Buddy??! Ralph, you’re a crack-up, ya know that?????I think you missed your calling as a professional comedian!!!! β€ π
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i have a fear of clowns and dentists and those who are both. p.s. my dentist told me i’m a ‘teeth-clencher.’ see you in our group therapy session.
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Good to go, Sweetie! I have the “little white van” stop by and pick you up!!!! π
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π Poor little cavity, you should go and get that little guy some help. You just reminded me I need to go to the dentist. π¦ I have hated dentists ever since I had a wisdom tooth pulled without anesthesia. Happy Valentine’s Day Lucie!
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OMG! You had a tooth pulled w/o DRUGS! I hope to heck you were doing some heavy drinking that day, Elizabeth!!!! π
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LOL. Nope, but I sure wishing. π
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You shoulda charged him!
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I actually think he had an intelligent suggestion! I just found it funnier than hell in light of all the other things that have been suggested to me, lately! π
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Good grief! This younger generation! I have had the same dentist for 40 years. He understands me. I, too, believe there is something abnormal about having a career in which one jams his entire fist inot one’s pie hole.
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You’re too funny, SONIA!!! π
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