Life in my Shoes as a Gay (Older) Woman

Forgive me.

I’m having a hard time being “funny” this week.

My heart is very heavy today, and I can’t break through that heaviness without expression and letting go of this otherwise yucky feeling that I have deep inside of my heart.

For those few of you who don’t know me and/or who have not read my blog’s “about page,” I need to make you aware of the fact that I am a gay woman living in Northern CA with my wonderful partner and two wacky cats.

My being “gay” does not define the sum total of who I am and does not in any way make me an “expert” about what it’s like “being gay,” but I feel I need to state it, so that you may appreciate my “little sensitivity” to what it’s like some days living life in “my shoes” as a gay (older) woman.

I, like Ellen DeGeneres, have no hidden agenda and am not in any way, shape or form, trying to promote my “gayness.”

My only “agenda” with my blog is to share a moment or two of happiness and silliness and to try to make your day a little more “bearable.”

So if my being a very loving, compassionate, kind (sometimes silly) woman, who happens to be in a relationship with a woman of the same attributes offends you in any way, please feel free not to read my blog any more, and by all means “unfollow me.”

I will not be offended.

On the other hand, if you care to try to understand how it feels to be “in my shoes” some days, please feel free to read on:

Contrary to what many people believe, I did not choose to be gay.

Why would I, an intelligent, conservative, former Roman Catholic brought up in a conservative, Roman Catholic household from a small, rural area in upstate NY, ever CHOOSE a life style that is misunderstood by many, judged by the religious multitudes, and ultimately hated by countless individuals? Why would I ever CHOOSE a life style that makes my life difficult on a regular basis?

I am silly, People; Not crazy. (At least not verifiable, anyway!)

My partner got stuck in her company’s elevator a few nights ago for a good amount of time.

This is not earth-shattering news in and of itself, and for many of you (myself included) it might even have a humorous bent to it, in light of the fact that she ended up playing quite a few games of Angry Bird while waiting to be rescued, but for me it ended up breaking my heart.

When the Princess texted me that she was “f-ing stuck in the f-ing elevator” and she “couldn’t get ahold of anyone at her company,” I decided to take matters into my own hands and contact her Manager.

I called him and left a very polite message, identifying myself (as the Princess’ partner), and informed him that she was stuck in their company’s elevator. I also said that should I not hear back from him in a half an hour’s time, I would contact the local fire department to get her out.

I texted my partner what I did, and she was mortified, totally upset, and “wigged out” because I “outted her” at her place of business…where she (an older contract worker) was praying they hire her for a full-time, permanent position when her contract position expires in March.

She couldn’t believe that I identified myself as “her partner.”

How could I commit such a thoughtless act?

Hun…maybe I was thinking that my highly asthmatic, hard-working, over-achiever partner (of 16 years), who I love to the moon and back, was stuck on this previously problematic elevator and that she needed to get out and get home, and I didn’t care what the hell her Manager “thought of me or her.” I simply left a message for the man to apprise him of the situation, and that either he needed to address the matter in an expeditious manner or I would, period.

I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t “wordy.” I just politely stated the facts and informed him of the situation.

If he was any kind of a Manager, he’d be concerned and a tad upset, and would help me get her the hell off the blasted elevator! That’s all I was thinking when I called him.

And, to the man’s credit, that’s exactly how he responded.

But the Princess feels he’s been avoiding her all week, because now he “knows she’s gay,” and she wonders if that’s going to negatively impact her chances of permanent employment in March.

I don’t know.

Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t.

I just know I can’t live my life in a “bubble of lies,” and I won’t.

She, on the other hand, has had a couple of restless nights worrying about the fact that maybe now “he won’t like her any more because she’s gay…”

And that really breaks my heart.

I am a loving, caring, church-going, tax-paying woman who is somebody’s daughter, sister, Aunt, cousin, friend, and neighbor.

And I just happen to be gay.

My being “gay” neither defines me nor explains me, but to some people it limits my humanness, and to those people I say, “Shame on you. Shame on you and your holier-than-thou feelings of superiority and judgmental statements of righteousness. You are not my God. And you are not my redemption.”

I don’t know if the Princess will get hired permanently for this job come March.

I certainly hope so.

I know that up until this time, they WERE going to hire her because they value her work ethics and competencies, and I pray the fact that she’s “gay” is no more of an “issue” than the fact that she happens to be a “redhead,” too.

But that, dear People, only time will reveal.

I can only live my life day to day and try to be the best person that I can be, one day and one adventure at a time.

And I sincerely hope for her sake (and ALL our sakes) that at the end of the day, we get judged not on our sexual identity or religious or political affiliations, but on how much we’re valued as human beings and how much we value others.

Until next week, be kind to one another, People. You never know what life is like in someone else’s shoes.

Published by

Lucie

I'm a retired special ed teacher, born in upstate NY, who spent most of my adult life in the SF/Bay Area and moved to the Olympic Peninsula of WA in June of 2017. At the encouragement of family and friends, who followed my silliness on my FB page, I started this blog a few years ago. I try to keep my topics as humorous as possible (because I believe "LIFE" is pretty serious these days), but will, on occasion write about more solemn subjects. I sincerely appreciate all who take the time and effort to read and make comments and am truly humbled when people actually "like" what I write. I do not participate in the "Wordpress awards" because I feel "awarded" when individuals actually read me and comment, but sincerely appreciate all of you who have considered me "award worthy" and thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hugs, Lucie

23 thoughts on “Life in my Shoes as a Gay (Older) Woman”

  1. I just stumbled on this posting – I don’t think I was following you when you wrote this. First off, I am delighted that your Princess got the permanent job! Been there, done that.

    Second, I am so sorry about the treatment that you, and every other member of the gay community have to endure. I’ve worked in the medical field long enough to know that this matter is settled in the womb, and is never, ever a matter of “choice”. Lord knows, we all have enough problems without choosing more!

    The Squire and I had a dear friend who lost his job because he was gay. Oh, it wasn’t framed that way, but when you’ve been a member of the Million Dollar Club for five years and get fired over a technicality, it’s pretty obvious to everybody in the company. Our friend decided to take an entirely new route and became a nurse! At the age of 50!

    We wish you all the luck in the world in all of your endeavors, and keep those postings coming!

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    1. Aw….thank you so very much for your kind words. Sincerely appreciate your taking the time to write such a thoughtful, kind response. Unfortunately, it is not easy being “any minority” these days, and there are actually days that I wonder if we need to “go back into the closet” for fear of people’s view of our “differences”. Makes my heart sad, but it is what it is…with the passing of RBG, the Princess and I are worried that some of our hard fought for rights may be soon over-turned. I wish people would stop getting their information on “social media” and start reading a variety of sources to educate themselves. Like you say, “Lord knows, we all have enough problems without choosing more!” I get so upset when people call my relationship with the Princess as a “lifestyle choice”.

      Hopefully, I’ll get back to my writing, soon. Like many of us these days, just getting hit with too much sadness, and although I do find joy in the midst of all this turmoil these days, my “heart” is just not into it. It was actually my “Rozie” who recently passed away who encouraged me to write (right up until a month before she passed away). Thx again for the read! Happy Thanksgiving. :>)

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  2. I know I am coming to this post rather late, but I haven’t known you for very long. I have to admit, I did not know about your orientation, but I learned long ago that such things are just a detail about a person’s life and not something to use as a basis of judgement. I grew up with a boy named Jack. He came to the realization that he was gay at about age twelve. I did not understand the changes he was going through… but I did know he had a wonderful sense of humor and his musical talent, especially with piano, totally fascinated me. I was on the high school football team my first two years in high school. I later learned that a couple of my teammates were among Jack’s gay friends. There came a day when a rather large and rather stupid person decided to pick on Jack in the high school cafeteria. Somehow he knew more about Jack than I did. I didn’t understand at the time why Jack was being picked on, but I valued his friendship over any “terrible secret” he might be keeping, so between me and the two other football players, a certain stupid person got a little bit intimidated… and I didn’t feel guilty about it in the least. I am not telling you this because I want to brag about having gay friends, but because you remind me to always value beautiful souls over minor details… no matter how other people feel about it. Jack was, and still is, an amazing person. I am beginning to believe you are too.

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    1. I don’t understand this, but I did not see this comment on my lap top, otherwise I would have responded much sooner. My apologies for that! Anyway, thank you so much for such a lovely,lovely response by you. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time and loving effort to do so. You will be happy to know that my Princess started this job on a PERMANENT basis this past Friday and we couldn’t be more pleased! And thank you sooooo much for such a thoughtful validation of our situation! I need to bring my laptop into the Apple store to get checked, but hate to fight the crowds, lately….guess now I really need to do it. So sorry for not seeing this sooner. I checked again and it’s still not showing…..Blast!!!!!😐

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  3. Gay is no more a decision than heterosexuality. I certainly never made a decision. I certainly hope Princess is hired on her credentials and abilities. It’s so wrong to mistreat people in this way. I’ll be glad when people realize that the sexuality, race, religion, and beliefs of others are a personal matter. I know this unfortunate situation is concerning for you both. It’s just wrong to fear being judged for expressing concern for the person you love.

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  4. Wow, that’s hard. I hope she gets hired full-time; it’s never made sense to me to base a decision on hiring on something other than his/her qualifications and work ethic. I can see her perspective, though, because (sadly) where I live, her gayness (and yours) would be a cause for not being hired.

    I don’t understand that. I also don’t understand how anyone can believe that a person would “choose” to be gay/bisexual/etc. I’ve heard this before, from straight people who can’t see anything from another person’s perspective; it was part of the rhetoric in my white-straight-middle class upbringing. (A bubble, really!) But it’s never made sense to me. The more I listen to voices within the queer community (I’ve been told that’s the preferred term, right?!), the more I see different perspectives and the more empathetic I feel toward other humans in general. After all, as you said, we don’t know what life’s like in someone else’s shoes. But we can love and listen and respect others as humans.

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    1. It is sad…that some people in some parts of the world only view us as “gay” when we are so much MORE than “gay”. I don’t “feel gay” (whatever the heck THAT is!) And we don’t happen to “look gay”, either, so unless I tell you, you wouldn’t have a reason to suspect it. I just view people as HUMAN and have a difficult time understanding how people can “hate us” w/o even knowing us…Sad really, but it’s their loss. My partner’s boss sounded very kind and concerned when all this happened. I sincerely hope/pray that when March rolls around, they’ll be a job waiting for her. I don’t know the “preferred term” for the “gay community”, but I sincerely appreciate your sensitivity in asking. Most of our friends are straight and our “gayness” is never really a topic. She’s my “partner” and I’m hers and yes we’re gay/happy most of the time, but I really don’t prefer calling myself anything other than “human”….everything else is too limiting for me, ya know? I do so sincerely appreciate your highly thoughtful, kind remarks, Laura. We may live in different parts of the country and have “different political and religious views”, but like you said, “we can love and listen and respect others as humans”…….Because ultimately, no one knows what it’s like in anyone else’s shoes, until we take a moment or two to “try them on”….Thanks, Sweetie, for your time in commenting and reading my post. You are such a lovely, loving young woman….. 🙂

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  5. I would certainly hope the decision to hire your princess would be solely based on her abilities and nothing else… i wish you both the best… 🙂

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    1. Thanks, J! I believe her current boss is a man of honor and integrity and sincerely pray that he’s a “fair man”, as well…Either way, “it is what it is” and only time will tell. Thanks for dropping by… 🙂

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  8. i’m so sorry that you both are going through this, along with all you’ve been through before. my hope is that the manager is a caring man who cares not about sexual orientation and will hire her based on her work and ability. this makes me sad to read, but i know it is a very real issue in the world we live in and i’m sorry on behalf of those who don’t understand and try to judge you based about their own misunderstanding and fears.

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    1. MANY thanks! Was a scarey piece for me to write, but I just wasn’t connecting with my “funny bone” for the last week or so, ya know???It’s hard to watch someone you love so much get caught up with what “other’s think about them”……My “feeling” is that her Manager is a fair, caring man….Only time will tell. It is what it is. We’ll see come March if she’s offered a permanent position…..Thanks for your lovely comment. Means alot….

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