All righty, People!
I attended my second session of Miss Betsy’s Gentle Yoga Class for Seniors this morning and Miss B. tells us that we need to put our right foot up behind our back, twist our body around to the left while gently flexing our muscles and put our hands in front of us in a prayer formation, pointing upward to the ceiling while simultaneously reminding us to take a deep cleansing breath as we gently push the air from our lungs and to remember:
“We are one with our bodies and the universe. And the floor (that my half inch mat is on) is Mother Earth.”
“Just listen to the music,” she gently continues, “and become one with your Earth Mother.”
Un hun,” I’m saying under my breath while trying to gently untangle my size 9 foot from my butt,
“Mother’s” feeling a tad hard on my delicate, ample-sized hinny right now, and my half inch yogi pad is as useless as tits on a bull.”
But I’m game. Let me go with this.
As I’m looking around the room at everyone attentively and lithely executing this “pretzel position,” I’m thinking,
“Oh Sweet Jesus! I don’t know if Mother Earth and I are going be bonding today, but I could be wrong.”
I think Miss Betsy’s been partaking a little too much of the ole’ Maui-wowie before class, but what do I know? She’s certainly quite supple in her ability to bend her body in all sorts of positions and she doesn’t seem overly concerned with the fact that I’m knotted up into a human pretzel!
I attentively continue listening to Miss Betsy and am really trying to breathe deeply, but every time I went to breathe in, I started coughing uncontrollably from my neighbor’s overwhelming perfume fragrance; when Miss Eau-DE-Lovely herself casually looks over at me and innocently says,
“Dear, that cough of yours doesn’t sound too good. Are you feeling o.k.?”
Now I’m thinking that I’m in another one of those “lose/lose scenarios” that I seem to be in a lot lately, where I can’t be totally honest with this woman, although I’d love to educate her on the fine art of taking a morning shower with simple soap and water (minus the floral arrangement!), but I don’t want to offend one of Miss Betsy’s regulars, don’t cha know; so I look at her (with teary eyes and all) and say (in between bouts of uncontrollable coughing!),
“I must be having an allergic reaction to someone’s perfume that they’re wearing. I’m a light weight with most perfumes and scents.”
Without missing a “yogi beat”, she adroitly goes into Miss Betsy’s “prayer formation stance”, impassively looks over at me and unwittingly says,
“I know! Isn’t it terrible how thoughtless people can be when they come to exercise class?”
“Yep,” I’m thinking to myself, “Me thinks Miss Betsy’s Yoga Class for Seniors, session two, is now over and is more than likely my LAST session!”
I had to leave before “cooling down,” so I could continue to breathe, and now here I sit, inappropriately cooling down; muscles in spasms, a throbbing head-ache and not exactly sure whether my dog’s still walkin’ or standin’ in an upward position?
(But frankly, I don’t care!)
Yes siree Bob! I’m thinkin’ I’d best be working on a another way to get rid of my Buddha belly, ‘cuz I could be wrong, but I don’t think Miss Betsy’s Yoga class is too healthy for me!
Now go out and do something totally silly for yourself today! Who knows? Your silliness just may unwittingly bring a smile to someone’s otherwise heavy heart….