Good morning, Peoples!
So, I’m standing here at the crack of dawn with my hair looking like Lady Gaga herself, yawning with morning breath from last night’s garlic chicken, freezing my ample-sized butt off, and asking myself,
“What the heck are you doing outta bed, for Chriminy Sakes?”
“It’s dark, it’s cold, and you’re retired! Go back to your warm, comfy bed, Woman! And let the day start without you! Last night’s dishes will wait, ya know? It’s not like you’ve gotta be anyplace this morning, for Pete’s sakes!”
But no, not me!
I gotta get up with the birds and my howling Siamese, and start washing last night’s dishes!
So, I’m standing at the sink, intently scrubbing the caked-on garlic goop outta the pan with the water running, telling Boo to shut da hell up and go eat her food that I just put together (Did I tell you, People, that my cat Boo, has something called “malabsorption syndrome” and needs a specially prepared menu every day? No? Not yet? Hm…well, that’s a story for another day. Anyway, forgive me. I digress.)
I’m washing up some dishes and trying (not too successfully, mind you!) to ignore Boo’s caterwauling when I hear the Princess mumbling something or other while she’s brushing her teeth with her electric toothbrush.
Being hearing impaired and all (and going deaf with an obnoxious, howling cat), I don’t hear her. So, I just continue washing the dishes.
Then all of a sudden, her tiny Princess head shoots out from the bathroom door and yells,
“Lucie! For God’s sakes! Will you answer me?! I can’t stand it when you ignore me like that, ya know? Drives me nuts! Could you PAH-LEEZE listen to me once in awhile?!!!!”
Now for those of you in relationships (either past or present), you know that no matter how I answer that question, I’m gonna lose.
So I’m thinkin’ to myself, “Ya know, I could be wrong, but I think I’m in one of those lose/lose scenarios here.”
I definitely feel like drowning Boo right now, and I think before I get to the point where I wanna drown the Princess, too, I’d better just “take one for the team,” agree with her politely (and ever so subserviently), apologize, and go back to bed.
So, I take a deep, cleansing breath (one that even Miss Betsy of my gentle yoga class would be proud of!), glance at her over my Ben Franklin eye specs and calmly say, “You know, Sweetie ─ you’re right! You’re definitely right. I need to listen to you more often. I’m sorry.”
The humble apology, however, does nothing but add fuel to her displeasure with me, and she irritably responds,
“Ya know, Lucie,” she says between clenched teeth, “I hate it when you’re sarcastic! I really hate it! It’s sooo not becoming, ya know?”
Before I can even so much as say one word in response, she scoots back into the bathroom and continues brushing her teeth and completing her morning cleaning ritual.
By this time, Boo has discovered that today’s menu offering is actually palatable and has hungrily started to chow down, when Molly (cat #2) comes meowing out of my bedroom for her specially prepared diet and medications (Did I tell you, people, that Molly has urinary problems and also needs special foods and medications? No? Not yet? Hm…guess that’s also a story for another day, eh??)
So, I start to meticulously prepare Molly’s special menu. (Ask me someday to tell you how I once took one of Molly’s drugs and almost gave Molly MY drug!!! I scratched myself raw for most of the day and swore I saw fleas hopping around on my arms! But forgive me; once again, I digress!). I then notice that the Princess has finished her morning grooming rituals and is heading out the door on her way to work, when she suddenly stops and starts kissing and lavishing Boo (who has now coyly perched herself on the arm of the couch) with all kinds of lovin’ and hugs.
After a few minutes of smothering Boo with an abundance of lovin’, she inadvertently catches a glimpse of me and suddenly realizes: Oh, that’s right. I have a partner. Maybe I’ll acknowledge her before I go to work, too!
“So,” she queries, “What’s on your busy agenda for today, Hun?”
She’s been asking me this question every day since I retired. I don’t know why, but I rarely answer her with a genuine response. Guess it’s one of those endearing (or not so endearing!) games that couples play with each other when they’ve been a couple for so many years!
Makes me absolutely batty! But whatever….
“Oh nothing,” I sarcastically respond with a grin on my face, “I think I’ll just lounge with the termites today and have an Orange Julius. Have a good day, Sweetie!”
I don’t know, People! I’m thinkin’ a good sense of humor is something worth keeping in my life these days!
What do you think?
Have a great day! I know I will ─ sipping Orange Julius’s and hangin’ with my termite buddies!!!!
Until next week’s adventure: laugh often and enthusiastically! Life’s too precious not to!