So, any hoo, I start heading out the door this morning for a little exercise – locked the front door behind me and as I’m leaving my front gate, I notice the sun’s super bright today and I decide that I need my sunglasses.
So, I head on back to open the door to get my glasses. I put my key in the door and nothing, absolutely nothing in the lock moves!!!
And then it dawns on me: I have no phone to “call home!” (Hell! Even ET devised a system to “call home!”)
At this point, I’m starting to talk to myself and think , “Lucie, you’re up the proverbial creek, woman! And Ms. Princess herself isn’t around today to bail your sorry ass out!”
I’ve got this important follow up visit with a specialist that I’ve been seeing, don’t ‘cha know, and I hear Miss Betsy’s sweet, calm yogi voice reminding me to take some deep cleansing breaths; some very deep breaths…..
Then the ex-New Yorker kicks in and I think, “To hell with Miss Betsy! I gotta 10:30 appointment and it’s 9 o’clock! Yoga or no yoga techniques, I gotta date with a very important Dr.! I need to get my butt in my house and take a shower! I don’t have time to breathe, for Chriminy sakes!”
Long story short, I get into the house and it dawns on me: The Princess has been complaining about this dam lock forever. So I start thinking, “Hm..maybe I can give this lock a little lookie loo and fix-er right up!”
Yeah, right! For those of you who know us, when have we ever been able to quickly “fix anything without it taking us forever and a day?!”
OK, if I had taken “Miss Betsy’s advice” and tried some deep breathing techniques, I’d be thinkin’ clearer. But, instead, I get my handy dandy power tool out, and lickety – split (before you can say, Jackie Robinson!), the front face of the lock falls off and into our fountain!
Now thank goodness the fountain is broken and has no water in it, so all I have to do is put my hand through a few thousand or so spider webs and I’m good to go!
I start working on the lock and it dawns on me: “I musta fallen asleep during locksmithin’ class years ago, ‘cuz I don’t have a clue as to where all these parts go!!!”
“Holy free holy!
What the heck am I gonna do now?! I’ve got a hole in my door as big as all of Texas, parts in my hand and no idea what to do and the clock’s ticking!
Take a deep breath.Take a very deep breath!
30 minutes later with the help of duck tape and holy intervention, I get the lock on and am good to go!
“Lucie, get in the shower and get your Buddha belly to the Doctor!!”
As I head out the door, I put the key in the lock and I notice something gold and shiny in the fountain.
WTS?! It’s a piece to the lock!!!!
Oh….My….God! You’ve gotta be kidding me!
Otz zo!( The English pronunciation of the Italian word, “Cazzo”, loosely translated: “WTS!” or it’s American cousin:”WTF!”)
There, in it’s infinite glory and beauty, lie the inner sleeve of the lock!
“Ok, Lucie. You haven’t got time to fiddle with this darn lock any more today! It locks! It works and we’re good to go!
It’s actually working better now . Who the heck am I to mess with “the lock Gods”???
No exercising today, woman! Buddha belly or no Buddha belly!
Yep, Peoples, that’s life today in my shoes! Hope yours goes better!