Ok, so I wake up the other morning and catch the Princess walking out of the ironing room muttering something under her breath about “the piece of crap iron that we have and how I’d best put a new iron on my list of things to buy” etc. etc. because “the stupid thing only works half the time and the other half of the time the dam thing doesn’t have steam in it and doesn’t iron her work clothes nicely!”
Now I find this quite humorous, don’t ‘cha know, because I’m the one that is constantly finding the iron void of water when I go to use it to do my ironing and am always wondering why SHE never fills it with water!
So I ask her highness, “Have you been adding any water to the thing?” (Now remember, people, this is the same woman that called me from work a few weeks ago to complain about her piece of crap iPhone not working right after dropping it a bazillion times!)
Her response: “Why would I do that?! The iron will end up getting rusty and ruin my good work clothes!”
Rusty?! Rusty?! Seriously?! Did she just say that???? Does she think the steam that she’s been getting magically appears most every morning because of some little “steam genie in the iron”????!
I’m just about ready to ask her this question and it dawns on me while I’m looking at her “punk rocker hairdo” (the results of having one hulluva night sleeping with a cat that had a major attitude!): I think I’d best be leaving that question for another day, or at least until after she has a few cups of coffee and acquires a better hair-do.
“OK”, I tell myself,” let me go hit the john this morning before I tackle any major projects. I always think better when my bladder is empty and I don’t wanna be “filling anything (like an iron) until I’ve done just that.” (Yeah, I know, people, those of you under 40 can’t relate, but trust me, someday you WILL and then you’ll say to yourself, “Yep, by golly, Lucie was sure right about thinking clearer when your bladder is empty!”)
So I’m sitting there on the toilet and I noticed that there’s no toilet paper on the rung.
“Oh for God sakes,” I say out loud, “am I the only one that changes the toilet paper in this (blankety blank) house?!”
Really. I swear to God every place I go, I end up replacing the toilet paper! And don’t get me started on “commercial toilet dispensers” at restaurants and theaters because you need a manual just to get a few tissues outta the blasted thing and a trip to the Home Depot to buy a crow bar to open it so the second roll “drops down”! (Seriously, is there anyone out there that has had the second role “drop” without having to use a crow bar? Have you?! Please, I’d like to meet you. I think there should be some kind of special award made just for you for this special occasion.)
And people, people, people, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE: There’s a RIGHT way and WRONG way to have the toilet paper unroll! Don’t make me take it off the rung and replace it just because YOU didn’t have the foresight to put it on “the right way” to begin with!
I’m tellin’ ya: “Life in MY shoes sure is fun!”
“Have a great week, Peoples!”